I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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