my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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