she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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