also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
