You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
