Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
