he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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