...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
