You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
