is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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