Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
