That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
