I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to have your abortion
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
