Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
