my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
