I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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