She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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