well most of my day revolves around power hour
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There r osticjed everywhere
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
