it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
