i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize