opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize