so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
