Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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