Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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