i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
