I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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