I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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