hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
