Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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