I hate all girls vehemently.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
