your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
