I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
