Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize