I wannas sexs uuuuu
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
