Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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