i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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