Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
