He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
