Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize