can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize