don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
third nipple confirmed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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