I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
