I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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