we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
