I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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