I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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