chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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