his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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