my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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