my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
