you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
