Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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