Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
