no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
