dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's always time for handjobs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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