She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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