WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
