I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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