I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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