I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
