Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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