It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
