I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
