I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
