Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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