i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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