dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
