matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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