Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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