She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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