then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
