Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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